We strolled down the same path, that cold summer night
As the stars above guide us home, we looked at each other,
I could stare for hours
Leaves dancing in the air, one even fell down on your hair
I love that moment, that walk
It was so magical
Then, we stop.
Our bodies, we drop.
Leaves and darkness, our backdrop.
Ignored it all, small raindrop
Stars they shine so bright, we closed our eyes and all of it now is just — cropped.
Cropped memories that we crafted, now crap.
Cognitive functions stop.
Alcohol drops on my lap.
Trapped in the memory of us,
And my mind won’t hush.
I know we’re not over.
We’re not over.
We’re not over.
We. Are not. Over.
It stings like a bitch
Like you have a sunburn and there’s a fucking itch
One of your best friends in bed with the person you’re with
Like biting your tongue with your teeth
Like falling off the edge of a cliff
Stubbing your toe, shit, it’s stiff.
I hate you.
I hate your existence.
This hatred is my existence.
I’ve tried to let go.
I’ve tried to forget.
I’ve tried to give back all the things that you’ve left.
In my possession are your possessions but I cant let you possess them back because these possessions they possess me.
Can we be together again?
I promise I’ll change for you.
I promise to do anything for you.
I’ll be a writer, director, your fighter, protector, a baker, a killer, money-maker. Anything.
Just take me back.
I’ve drowned in my tears.
For I have chosen not to swim.
For I have chosen not to breathe.
For I have chosen not to let go.
I’m not good enough for anyone.
I’m not meant for someone.
And all that I have is myself
I can hear the ticks and the tocks in my brain
The clinks and the clanks
The beeps and the bops
It won’t shut up, it keeps telling me:
You’ll die alone.
I’ll be alright.
I said as I held onto my pillow, ever so tight.
Why am I still sad, my future’s still bright.
It’s time to move forward,
Move on with my life.
Accept my past, storm has passed,
move my lazy ass up off the grass.
Pain is part of life, but it won’t last forever.
A rush of happiness fills me.
Like feeling the sun in your face,
Like laughing so hard it hurts,
Like “that Friday feeling”
Like having a freshly brewed coffee
Like being a kid again.
As I stroll down the same path, in this cold summer night
And the stars above guide me home, so beautiful, I could stare for hours
And the leaves dancing in the air,
One leaf drops on the palm of my hand
It’s still magical.
I can’t help but, smile.
Hmph. It’s been a while.